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In response to Sarahjane's challenge....a fic containing the phrases:
"We are still stealing it, aren't we?"
"It's not your fault"
"On second thought that was a really bad idea"
This is set around Terra Firma and takes place on Earth, when the aliens are celebrities.
Spoilers for Crichton Kicks and WSS3
Disclaimer: I don't own these beings, I m not a slave trader... more of an immigrant smuggler, smuggling these characters across the border into my head.
TOMB IT MAY CONCERN
"Can we stop now?"
"Why? It's nice."
"Nice? A wasteland, maybe. And we have been walking for arns."
The grey girl was barely even listening as she shrugged her shoulders dismissively, not even slowing her pace. "Well at least we lost the reporters."
Her Kalish companion sighed heavily. "I concede you that." Another sigh. "Reporters. Interviewers. Humans do not understand the word 'privacy'."
With a nod, Chiana grinned and fixed her crewmate with mischievous glee. Gesticulating with rather wild excitement, she said chirpily "Well we have lost 'em, and we're here now - wherever 'here' is, so I figure, let's explore!" She grinned like a predatory fish and decided to stack the deck so there was less chance of Sikozu saying 'no' and spoiling the fun. "I thought you'd like it here."
Sikozu cocked an eyebrow. " 'Here' is Giza, Cairo, Egypt... Earth. As for exploring, I am surprised that you would want to." She smiled her own slightly smug smile. "Aren't you more into parties than historical expeditions?"
Chiana shrugged again. "Not always. It could be fun." Seeing that Sikozu was not at all convinced by her argument, she added (feeling that this was the bargaining chip that the Kalish could not refuse. After all, wasn't it her verbal skills that saved Zhaan's life on Litigara?) "Let's go to that... thing... over there. I'll even let ya tell me about it as we go. If you can catch me. I might even letcha have some of this Earth 'vodka'. It's no raslak, but it ain't bad." She complimented that astounding performance of persuasion with a wink and a shoulder nudge.
Sikozu was unimpressed. "That 'thing' is the pyramid tomb of Khentika, one of one hundred and thirty eight pyramids, and it was the architect Imhotep who -"
Chiana yawned theatrically, ignoring the proud smugness of voice and gleam of learning in the eyes of the Kalish.
Gritting her teeth, Sikozu changed tact. "As for alcohol? In this heat? Blazing sun and alcohol do not mix, and I have no desire to have to carry you back across the desert and to the mansion to answer Crichton's questions about why I let you drink out in the sun and why we ran away from the reporters."
"We didn't 'run away'." Chiana pouted.
"Yes, we did."
Chiana gave another 'who gives a frell' looks and yelled "Race ya!"
Chiana charged off like a feline and Sikozu shielded her eyes from the sun and watched Chiana's lithe frame move off into the distance, leaving a growing trail of footprints behind her in the sand. She sighed again - sighing was even starting to annoy her now, she thought with another sigh - It was too hot to linger here... and she did want to see a pyramid up close and without some interfering Earth 'tour guide', a dozen security guards and a handful of those damned reporters getting in the way. So she curled her lip at being defeated and took off after Chiana, albeit at a far more leisurely pace.
By the time Sikozu reached Chiana, and the blessed shade of the pyramid, the latter was slouched on the sand, her back resting against the massive, cool stone. Catching her breath, Sikozu craned her neck to try and see the highest tip of the pyramid, and she was awed by the fact that she couldn't.
"Crichton reckons these are real old." Chiana noted from her seat on the ground. "Ancient. The Humans call it 'an-teek'." she added with her own version of a worldly-wise smile.
"Chiana" Sikozu replied patiently "The word is 'antique' and that means one hundred human years. These are centuries old. Tombs of kings and priests, bedecked with wealth and rumoured to contain traps to protect the mumified pharoahs." She opened her mouth to continue, caught up in the glory of knowledge, humbled by being in the presence of this alien history - only to be interrupted by Chiana.
"Wealth?" Chiana asked, suddenly interested. "As in money? Riches?"
"And traps. Curses even." Sikozu reminded her in warning. Carrying on with her lecture, she added "James Henry Breasted was an Earth archaeologist who discovered the tomb of Tutankhamun in 1922, and almost his entire party died."
Chiana laughed heartily. "Tootin' Ka'Moon? Sounds like a Luxan general! Tch! Rumours an' curses! I thought you were too smart to fall for that dren!"
"I am." Sikozu snapped defensively, her arms folded.
Chiana leaned closer, a confrontational closeness. "Yeah? Prove it. Come an' snurch stuff with me." she challenged.
"Stealing? From the dead?" Sikozu queried uncomfortably.
Waving that off with one gloved hand, Chiana corrected her "Not stealing - snurching. Stealin' is robbing. Snurching is... findin'."
Sikozu shook her head. "No, thank you."
Chiana shrugged and strutted past her obstinate friend toward the entrance to the pyramid. Over her shoulder she called "Ya know what the humans'd call ya?"
Sikozu said nothing, just gritted her teeth more tightly together.
"Chicken."
As Chiana rounded the corner and disappeared into the huge structure she made a very loud clucking noise.
Sikozu sighed yet again, enjoying this trip even less than she enjoyed the reporters inane questions. She should have just stayed put and endured the media attention. She stood and muttered to herself "I am not rising to the bait... I am simply going to make sure she does not wind up killing herself." before reluctantly following Chiana. Again.
*
It was dark and cool inside the outer chamber of the pyramid, the light from the sun shafting through the doorway, highlighting the dust and sand particles in the air and illuminating the still vibrantly coloured hyroglyphics carved into the walls.
"Interesting." Sikozu murmured, studying the closest series of images.
"You can read those?" Chiana asked with genuine curiosity.
"Unfortunately."
"Why? What do they say?"
Sikozu looked back at Chiana and said "Well, we ought not to explore farther in here."
"Ya call that an answer?" Chiana laughed. She propped her hand on her hips. "That's a load of dren! Of course we should explore! Otherwise what's the point in comin' here?"
"I didn't want to - remember?"
Chiana tutted impatiently. "So what does it say?"
Sikozu traced the images with her finger and said "Basic translation... 'As for all men who shall enter this, my tomb, there will be judgement, an end made for him... I shall seize his neck like a bird.... I shall cast the fear of myself into them... I shall -"
"Lucky we aren't men then." Chiana interrupted with false joviality and a slight shiver. Forcing the smile to return she tried to be upbeat. "Come on, all that stuff is dren. Let's see if there's anythin' still in here worth having."
"I don't think we should."
Chiana slid an arm around the redhead's shoulders - an arm that was swiftly shrugged away. "What could happen?" she cajoled, her friendliest tone and smile working for her. "Bet we're not the first ones to come in here. An' I bet you're just a little bit curious to see the hidden places in here? The places the humans wanna keep secret from us."
Sikozu couldn't really deny that... besides she was far superior than the primitive humans who built this place. She was a bioloid, a member of the Resistance. Special. She would be safe - and Chiana was certainly no easy or soft target. So long as they kept their hands to themselves, then why not?
With that, she smiled conspiratorially and nodded her agreement to Chiana.
They walked deeper into the pyramid, deliberately ignoring the areas marked for tourists and sightseers, along corridors that became too narrow for them to walk side by side... tunnels that led left and then right and sloped drastically upward and then downward. To all intents and purposes, the place was a maze. The hyroglyphics lined every surface, and Sikozu trailed her fingers over them as she walked, her eyes, still sharp despite the darkness, taking in as many details as she could. She found that as they walked, she was paying more attention to the carved images than she was the route.
Chiana, on the other hand, was paying no attention to them at all. Instead, her keen senses were focussed ahead, as if her thief's nose could smell the trail of wealth. She was leading the way, marching forward, determined to leave this place far richer than she had entered. She hadn't stolen for quite a while, but after what had been taken from her, forcibly taken from her, why the frell shouldn't she take something for herself? Thieving was something she was good at - frell that - she was the best at it and she would prove it too.
"We should turn back." Sikozu said carefully, realising that she had lost track of which tunnels they had been down.
"Frell you."
Sikozu stopped still and turned a full circle. They were in a marginally larger area right now, and there were four tunnels leading from it, and she noted with alarm that they all looked the frelling same. There seemed to be more passages than there should be, and she could not be sure which one they should take to get out.
Chiana caught the slight panic in Sikozu's breath, and she stopped too and looked around, their predicament dawning on her. "Frell." she breathed. "Uhm... okay... which way?" she asked.
"You are asking me?"
"Well you're the one with the frelling genius brain!" Chiana yelled, her demeanour changing from unease to frelling pure frelling panic. "Can you get us out or not?!" Perhaps they should have stopped earlier?
Sikozu studied the directions from where she stood. She was pretty sure she could narrow it down to three - no, two - possible routes. "Yes." she said eventually, trying to sound more certain than she actually was.
"Right. Okay." Chiana nodded, deciding that out of a choice between staying totally lost or going with the Kalish's instinct, she'd try the latter. And if Sikozu turned out to be wrong, she might even allow herself a little gloat.
"That way." Sikozu decided, pointing to one dark, narrow tunnel.
Right then, a large gust of wind blew through the tunnels, somehow reaching them, billowing dust and whistling along the corridors. Definitely the sort of sound that never was to be heard through Moya.
"That shouldn't happen!" Sikozu almost screamed.
Chiana's mind heard the wind howling 'Chi', and she yelled "RUN!"
Both women left dignity and decorum - along with pride - behind and ran as fast as they could along countless, faceless corridors, the unfamiliar location and array of sudden noises (that they were both sure were specifically following them), seemingly coming from nowhere, propelling them onward.
They had lost track of the route in their haste, and Chiana didn't notice when Sikozu stopped dead in front of her. The Nebari careered straight into the back of Sikozu, sending them both sprawling into the sandy ground.
"Why d'ya stop?!" Chiana shouted, a mix of anger and fear colouring her tone. She didn't need an answer though - she just looked up from the ground, an avalanche of sand cascading from her hair, and saw that they had reached a burial chamber.
"Frell."
'Frell' echoed around the room, like a dozen grey ghosts, reverberating around the room, bouncing between the large stone tomb and the huge, life-sized statues. It was these that seemed to hypnotise the women, locking their eyes to them like magnets. Four statues of men with the heads of beasts, all guarding the tomb.
Sikozu stood up. "I told you." she whispered, staring cautiously at the statues as if they might live and move at any moment and attack them.
Chiana narrowed her eyes at Sikozu and sarcastically assured her "No, no. It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself."
"I know." the Kalish snarled, her eyes accusing Chiana.
Chiana rose fully to her feet and straightened her bodice, trying to regain her swagger. She walked up to the nearest statue - a man with the head of a dog - her hips swaying as she moved. She peered closely at it and gingerly tapped at the statue with one finger. It made a soft 'clinking' sound and she nodded. "Erm...See? Just a statue." She nodded again to reassure herself that this creature was definitely not about to move.
It was then that she actually looked at the statue - or rather, that she noticed he was totally laden with gold and gems. Chiana's eyes lit up and the smile returned to her lips.
The statue had enormous rings, encrusted with jewels on every finger, and a lattice work of gold woven into a necklace that almost covered his whole chest. She was almost salivating at the sight.
"Well.... seeing as we came all this way..."
"NO!" Sikozu called, flakes of dust and tiny particles of stone sprinkling from the ceiling at the noise.
"Just findin' stuff, remember?"
"Don't touch it."
Chiana turned to her "Why? Only statues in here, an' they aren't gonna miss one teeny weeny ring. An' maybe a necklace... an' a goblet..."
"You cannot."
Chiana regarded her. "What's with this 'you' cannot? We are just getting a few souveniers of Earth. Crichton'll be real jealous, so we can get a gift for him too, while we're here. Plenty to go around. You prefer that, yeah? No stealin', no snurchin' - just givin' a gift to him, and... a few gifts for me. Then you, if you're lucky."
"Lucky?" Sikozu laughed, looking around at the tomb and its guards.
Chiana set her slim fingers around one massive ring. "Just findin'." she breathed to herself.
"Finding? We are still stealing it, aren't we."
"Course not." Chiana said happily, sliding the ring clear of the statue and dropping it between her breasts. "Oooo - cold!"
Sikozu closed her eyes in resignation.
"See?" Chiana said triumphantly "We're still alive!"
Just as those words left Chiana's mouth a loud scraping noise tore through the pyramid, a sudden banging that seemed to shake the very stones. As more dust and rubble showered from the ceiling, both women dived for cover behind the tomb.
"What was it?" Sikozu whispered, huddled beside Chiana behind the narrow end of the tomb.
"Why don't ya poke your head out an' take a look?" Chiana whispered back, her breath as shaky as Sikozu's.
"Why me?"
"Your limbs reattach - mine don't."
"Thank you." Not.
"Well" Chiana urged "Go on."
"No."
"Okay - we'll both go."
"That sounds better. Marginally."
"Ready? One. Two. Three!"
On the third count, both women leapt out from behind the tomb, hoping to see nothing, but expecting to see the statues, alive, and advancing on them.
"Nothing." Chiana sighed in relief, a slight giggle at getting herself spooked over nothing.
"Something." Sikozu corrected. "The passage we entered by is blocked."
"Frell." Chiana breathed. She walked over to where the exit doorway should be and kicked at the very large, very heavy stone that now sealed them in. "FRELL!"
"No such thing as curses?" Sikozu taunted.
Chiana scowled at her. "It was probably your frelling yelling that brought the stone down!"
"That is not the result of an avalanche." Sikozu insisted, pointing at the stone. "That is the result of a trap." She sighed and added "I must thank you, Chiana, for a truly wonderful experience."
Chiana kicked at the stone again and muttered "On second thought, this was a really bad idea." to herself.
"So. How do we get out?" Sikozu broke the silence with an ever practical question.
Chiana slapped her hands against her sides in exasperation. "Open Sashimi." she ordered the blocked passageway.
Sikozu stared at her in incredulity.
"What?" Chiana asked defensively. "Crichton told me there was some guy who got stuck somewhere and he said 'open sashimi' and the frelling door opened!"
"And you thought I was dim for believing in curses!" Sikozu laughed.
"See. I knew you believed it."
Chiana sighed. "I'll get us out." and activated her comm.
"Who are you contacting?"
"D'Argo."
"Why?"
It was Chiana's turn to adopt a 'patient' tone this time. "I'm gonna get him to fly up here in Lo'laa and blast a huge frelling hole into the side of this thing and then we just walk out. With the jewellery."
Sikozu burst out laughing. "The humans will kill you - no, us. This is one of their Seven Wonders. An integeral part of their history, their culture - even the basis of their religious and scientific structure. They will kill us."
Chiana raised one fist, extended her first two fingers downward and moved them in a 'walking' motion. "We will be long gone by then. Back on Moya, never to return. Besides, have you got any better ideas?"
Another rumble from deep within the pyramid made up Sikozu's mind. "Call him."
ScorpSik
Nov 2009
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Chiana and Sikozu are my faves to just lock up together and see what happens 
